the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
