remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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