Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i believe in u and ur pee
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
