4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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