Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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