Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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