i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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