I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
