I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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