Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
