I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
