the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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