Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
