Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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