Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
