I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
