Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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