I wish I could teleport
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
