at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
