I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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