I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
