I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
