Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
