You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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