So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i came on her dog
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
