1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
