no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
