and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
