Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
