Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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