She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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