how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
