remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
