There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
