The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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