His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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