Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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