my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
