Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
