No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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