now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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