Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
