He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
