You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
