I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think your dad took our porno
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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