I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
