Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Green mimosas i think yes
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
