I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
