I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Are we still banned from the library?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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