Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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