I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
