wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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