drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
love makes seman taste better
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
