I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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