The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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