i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
