the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
