My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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